I have a complicated relationship with Mother's Day. Motherhood is my greatest source of joy. My mother is my greatest source of sorrow. For me, Mother's Day is a violent collision of those emotions. I want to, and do, feel happy, but can't help feeling sad.
I am not alone. This day may cause you pain as well. You may be motherless, have or had an awful mother, have lost a child or struggle with infertility. Maybe motherhood is nothing but a struggle. Maybe you have nothing to celebrate.
I became motherless at 16 years old, losing my mama to ovarian cancer. I miss her every day, but this day is the most fraught.
As a mother of three, I acknowledge I am privileged. I gave birth to and continue to raise these three. Through motherhood, I get know, understand and revere my mother but that will never replace what should have been. There was infinite wisdom I was to learn from her. She would have been an incredible Grandmother.
I treasure the woman who have stepped into my mother's space. My grandmothers, aunts, cousins, girlfriends, mother-in-law, stepmom, and even my daughters fill me up with their love, wisdom, and humor. Mom's girlfriends have loved me as their own. I am forever grateful.
I try to look forward, not back. I try to focus on what is hopeful and expectant. I treasure each day we are on this earth together and I get to delight in them. I look forward to getting to do all of it with Valarie, Chloe, and Kole. And their kids (and pets) someday.
If you are less than happy today, know you are not alone. Please be kind to yourself. Allow those feelings even though they hurt. I pray you have a ray of hope.